This is a Post about Pigeons

Pigeons? Yeah, I guess they aren’t all that bad. All they do is hop around and –

"HAVE MERCY!"

Ah. Perhaps I have spoken too soon.

Now while I do find having an overpopulation of pigeons a problem, the article (this one for those of you who haven’t read it yet) words it verrrry poorly. They focus more on the fact that people are feeding the pigeons rather than the fact that they’re pretty much taking over the city and might as well have renamed the place Pigeonpool.

Because it’s okay if the pigeons are everywhere, just as long as they aren’t fat.

"Huh. Alright, I guess I find this acceptabl-"

"FIEND!"

Oh, and also they brought in those totally realistic birds of prey robots. Did you see those detailed paint markings? Those feathery hunk-of-metal wings? If I didn’t know any better, I would be taking some nature shots of those gorgeous works of art. The pigeons don’t stand a chance against that thing that is clearly not an actual bird no matter how you look at it. After all, birds are never able to tell their own kind apart from a noisy, whirring machine. Genius. Simply genius. I applaud their efforts.

Clap.

Clap.

Clap.

There. Applauding completed.

But let’s not forget who’s at fault here. The residents of Liverpool are throwing their junk food everywhere without a care in the world, making the birds pack on the pounds until they’re ridiculously large and scruffy looking. It’s almost like another America, only in pigeon form.

OHWHOOPSDIDIJUSTSAYTHATOUTLOUD?

Sorry America, it had to be said.

Not that I’m calling any of you guys fat.

You guys are beautiful. I mean, just look at you with your nose and forehead and eyes. Just gorgeous. And those two ears you have? Breathtaking.

Oh, and I can’t be the only one that noticed how old this article is. It’s from what, 2007? That just kind of made me curious as to whether or not that robop thing worked. So I decided to dig deeper into the subject and have a little look, and as it turns out…

Ha ha. Just kidding. I’m too busy perpetrating the American stereotype by being too fat and lazy to lift up my fingers to search it up.

Yyyyeah, that's not happening.

Also, Noises Off is this coming Thursday. Whoooo! Anyone else going on opening night or am I going to have to sit alone and laugh all by myself?