I don’t like Romeo and Juliet.
The only way I will ever like it is if I read it as a satire, but when I do that I know I’m only fooling myself. It’s just…sad.
That doesn’t mean I dislike some of the characters, though. No no, I do like most of the characters. For example, Mercutio, Benvolio, Nurse, Friar Lawrence…
Basically everyone but Romeo and Juliet. I just…can’t bring myself to like them. At all. Romeo is a whiny little emo kid who likes to recite his deep and soulful poetry every time he opens his mouth. Either that or he’s talking about sex and things he can do to GET sex.
Juliet is just as bad. She’s willing to make out with a guy she just met and she’s willing to overlook the fact that Romeo KILLED HER COUSIN just because they’re in “love” or whatever. Plus, she chose Romeo over Paris. That’s nothing too important, I just like Paris a lot more.
Poor guy. -sniffs-
Seriously, poor little Paris. All he wants to do is get to know Juliet better. From what I can tell (context clues and all that), it doesn’t sound like he wants to marry her just to get into her pants…skirt…dress thing that she has on who knows. Oh yeah, and then he dies at the end. What the heck. Guy can’t catch a break, I swear. But he’s not the only one I like.
I mean, Mercutio and Benvolio? Total bros. Seriously. They sneak Romeo into parties and try to hook him up with other girls to dig him out of that slump that he’s in. Bro levels are through the roof.
And Friar Lawrence? Sure he helped them out with their stupid little plan, but he was pretty awesome while doing it. He’s all, “Stop crying and suck it up Romeo”. In other words, he said to Romeo what I’ve been wanting to say to him the ENTIRE PLAY.
Although I’m quite sure I would’ve worded it a lot less…eloquently…
Yeah. That sounds about right.